Veering Values
What do you do when an athlete isn’t upholding cultural expectations?
I’m going to say it. Team social issues suck. Dynamics can turn awkward quickly and coaches can get stuck in a power limbo. Brené Brown has famously said, “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” Obviously, there are extraneous circumstances that we must be sensitive to as coaches and can’t expect our athletes to be out there throwing punches 24/7. However, there is an expectation of a certain level of reciprocity between a coach’s and teammate’s level of commitment and work and an athlete’s level of commitment and work.
To address an athlete that isn’t upholding cultural expectations, ask for a meeting in a neutral place. Your office can sometimes feel like a “you versus them” confrontation. Then, look at your team’s values, rules, expectations, and goals. Discuss their negative actions and how they have hurt the culture of the program in relation to the expectations. Allow them to respond and if met with a positive response, guide them through examples of positive exchanges with you and their teammates. Trust is required for and promoted by positive social exchange and any way you can show trust with the expectation of reciprocation can be extremely helpful (Jones et al., 2010). For example, allow them to lead a practice or plan a team building activity to show that you trust them to make the right decisions and give them an opportunity to prove themselves and to grow.
If you’re not met with a productive response or additional problems, I also think coaches sometimes must remind themselves that we aren’t licensed psychologists or psychiatrists and we are not all-knowing people. Sometimes we need to bring in another voice and brain to assist with the situation. It’s okay to ask for help.
Comment your thoughts, experiences, or tips/strategies below!
References
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Penguin.
Jones, R. L., Potrac, P., Cushion, C., & Ronglan, L. T. (Eds.). (2010). The sociology of sports coaching. Routledge.